16 February 2015

Roses, Red hearts & Champagne - Oh please!


The idea of having one particular day in an entire year just to celebrate love is downright hypocrisy, rather stupid. Don't ya think? I mean love is the rudimentary element in a relationship. Its akin to respect and affection. To make such a radical matter as a luxury and blow magic glitter around it is ridiculous. I understand celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, but celebrating love on one specific day? Duh! Then why don't we have a bath or eat day or a brush your hair day? 

Just to be clear I am not against Valentine's day. I understand the emotion. I dig the fanciness and cheesiness that goes with this day and for the record I celebrate it too..before-you-scratch-my-eyes-out, I can guarantee, I have done all the things which are usually done only on a valentine's day (by some people) at least once in a month with my loved ones except not wishing them Happy Valentine's day. 

So the real question is how special do you make your loved ones feel the rest of the days in a year?

Breezy love.

This is me whenever I am wind-kissed <3

Do not trivialize the touch of an impartial chilly wind that blows at you at a manageable speed. I am a big believer of simple pleasures. When was the last time you noticed the twinkle in the eyes of a 2 year old and allowed your heart to be embraced by that innocence? Or when did you last talk to an old dame and be charmed by the slowness in her speech and the coyness in her words? Ah, I can just keep going on.. but am not :)

Have you ever sat alone in an open terrace midst tall trees and felt overcome by the joy of life? If you have, you exactly know what am talking about. The touch of breeze is so cleansing, it sometimes feels like I have been breathed upon with new life. It is an instant mood-lifter, a spontaneous hugger and a no-conditions-apply stress buster. I think it has in it the power to mesmerize and hypnotize too, cause not later than my friendly visit with the winds (in the terrace or at the beach), I am immediately in a better place mentally and I get a fresh perspective even on mundane things.

God Himself walked in the garden (of Eden) in the cool of the day. (Genesis 3:8, The Holy Bible). Should I say more? If God enjoyed his walks in chilly winds, there ain't no doubt how refreshing it is. It is safe to say that wind has a secondary purpose of easing our lives besides primarily giving us life (oxygen). Next time you are at a breezy place, get some love. Its free.

15 February 2015

Procrastination is the mother of all evil.


What is the point in goals if you cannot work on it.. now?

Why should you dream if you are not doing anything about it.. now?

If life was forever, you can think of putting it off for later, but don't you know?

Everything we see, love and know is going to come to an end, how then are you sure you will have the time?

You think regret is easy?

It will grow in you like a virus and eat you alive like cancer.

You think being lazy, slothful and sluggish is okay?

It only means guilt, loss and failure is acceptable to you.

2 September 2014

Life goes on..

Packing lunch for parents is quite a nice thing to do, so I hurriedly stuffed their boxes, as parents can also be like the kids that run late to school. It was around 10 am and I felt that the day was already over. I hate the feeling of having nothing to do in a world of infinite opportunities. Um, yeah, I heard how it sounded in your head. So let me rephrase it, "I hate myself for allowing me to feel that I have nothing to do in this world of infinite opportunities."

Unable to delete those defecating thoughts of nothingness and self pity, I went to my room and spiralled on my bed. I was telling myself in the ghastly way possible that I do not want to sleep away right now, I do not want to be succumbed to anything lecherous or defiling on thoughts or actions just because I feel empty inside. I lay there feeling bleak at heart and pained in my soul. I think I allowed myself to fall asleep for 15 mins, it felt like one of those cold nights, where the chillness in the atmosphere gives you the feeling of luxury and comfort, the natures way. I thought it was raining as I could hear the droplets of joy and the smell of sweet petrichor and I could feel my heart dampen with cognizance and willingness to shake off my doleful and pessimistic feeling about life.

Life goes on.. as we know it
I turned over and faced the ceiling, still having my eyes closed as I was too afraid to open my eyes to my pathetic self. I told myself under my breath those 3 magic words, 'Life goes on..' 

"Everyday is a choice we make to improve our present state of life or dig ourselves an early grave." I thought of all the underprivileged people on this planet, destroyed by the inability to grow out of their poverty, drug addiction, slavery, epidemic diseases and those dying in war camps and battlefield. I thought of the free life I have, without ANY of the above mentioned cripplement. Every moment is a decision we make to be happy and bold irrespective of the circumstances we are in. 

16 August 2014

God, do you have a minute?

Dear God,

What do you want from me? I do not have the power or knowledge to fight  you. Obviously, You will win as You are the Almighty. I surrender to you because I need peace in my heart. I know only You can provide that. I got no idea about the people of the world. How they lead their lives and do their tasks. But as for me, I need you. I don't think I can possibly take a step forward in my life without your help. Will you please be considerate of my heartache and help me Lord?

In Jesus Name.
Amen.

-- 10 mins later --

Dear God,

Thank You so much for opening my heart and removing the bitterness and negativity from it. You touched me, and now I feel saved. You are indeed a great and mighty God, mysterious in Your working and unbelievable in Your leading. I cannot explain how much happy and spirited I feel now Jesus dear. I sincerely hope and pray that every single person in this world allow their hearts to be touched by Your love. Thank You so much from the bottom of my heart. Love you till the end dad.

Much love,
Jenita Allen

19 July 2014

Moment of Weakness.

Sitting quietly in an unnoticed corner with tears dripping continuously and my heart racing over my will power, I think of the moment that will be if I gave in to this moment of weakness. Why do I call it a weakness when it seems as the right-est thing to do? It is weakness because I know in my mind and somewhere in my heart that I should not be doing it. 

Why should I not choose that part of my heart that encourages me to do the thing that 'seems' like the right thing to do? I cannot cave to that part of my heart as that is the part I created to support my irrational thoughts and talk me into the things that I do not wish to do (in the right mind) but still wish to do.

I want it so bad, I don't think I can go past the compelling feeling of wanting to make a call or send a text. If I go ahead and give in to that moment of weakness, I will for that single moment or two be happy or don't know how I will actually feel. If it was really good for my life, why is there no peace in my heart, why are my cheeks still wet and why am I choking over my own voice? 

If this is real happiness why is it making me so weak?

5 July 2014

When Sending Off Goes Wrong!


Mistakenly had set the alarm for 23:45 in the place of 00:45. Got up an hour early, bullied myself to sleep and got up exactly at 00:45. Stepped out of the room to see if Pa was up and getting ready. It was spookily silent and dark. I stepped out, opened the fridge (I needed to stay awake, don't judge me) took a quick scan for any ice-cream, candy or soda, closed it in a hush and looked at my left where there is a door to the third bedroom.

Thought I'll peep a little and see if Ma is awake. Before I could see through the door, I thought to myself, what if she sees me first and gets scared that someone is looking at her in the dark? So I stepped back and quietly got into my room which is diagonal to this room, the lights still not turned on allowing the eeriness to expand.

Sat on my bed for a moment or two, then opened the room door and hit down the door stopper, switched on the corridor light adjacent to which is the room where Pa is sleeping. I was basically trying to be awake when Pa was leaving. Anyway, 5 -10 - 15 mins. passed, no sign of anyone getting up, or alarms ringing, lights going up, nothing. I began to think if Pa was indeed leaving tonight or am I plainly wrong? Why hasn't the cab driver called yet? May be he needs to Check-in at 4am uh? May be I gave my hubby wrong info on Pa's travel? Or wait, did Pa oversleep? What if he misses the flight? I was getting a little freaked out nonetheless the clock kept ticking without any concern and it was 1:00am and still I was the only one awake. 

Should I wake them up.., later to know there was still time for the flight? So let me check for his flight details I thought to myself. Now how do I do it without going into his room and checking through his files and draws? Mmm, easy and quick way, hack open Pa's Gmail account and I started looking through recent mails. No trace of job related conversations or travel plans whatsoever. Wait a second, is Pa lying to us and going somewhere else? :O Alright now it's high time, either I need to know whether Pa's leaving today or am I just sitting up foolishly and panicking about situations I am not even sure of.. just when I was concluding my thoughts, the old classic ring of the saving alarm rang! Phew! Welcome reality, I thought to myself.

Ma walked up to my room, her face twice the size and she looked uncomfortably at me and said 'you got up early huh?' I thought to myself yeah, way too early even before the beginning of the day! Meanwhile Pa's alarm rang, I got comfortable and straightened my thoughts. Walked up to the balcony, took some haphazard pics of the moon amidst barren branches for #instagram :P

Peeped down to see couple of cabs waiting. Good these guys are already here, I said to myself. Pa was in the shower. Ma was ironing Pa's pants mumbling under her breath he's gonna scold why is it hot while wearing it and I was walking up and down like I had to decide between Rahul and Modi. Anyway, Pa came out and asked me why did you get up ma..? I thought to myself, good koshtin!! ;) then dragged his bag out and started removing the cabin luggage labels of his previous travel still stuck on his bags. 

Ma made coffee, I had to have one by that time coz of all the needless, unproductive and exhaustive thinking I did in the past one hour. Finally Ma prayed (we always pray before stepping out of the house), we exchanged anbin muthangal ( holy kisses) and each of us took a travel bag. Me: suitcase; Pa: hand luggage Ma: carton box with the uniform, helmet and safety shoes. Scrambled through the hallway and off the lift we went down from the 3rd floor, not bothering to shut doors or turn off the light. Exited the lift to find Ramu (the night watchman) in rags. Tried to overlook him and went to open the wooden door which is the main door to the building leading us from the parking to the apartment. Ramu came forward with a sheepish grin to get the suitcase and other bags as we stepped into the parking area and on to the main gate to find our cab. Apparently the cabs I looked down from the balcony were not the ones we had called for. Secondly, the cab we called for was nowhere in the vicinity. As impulsive as Pa is, he jumped into a random cab and asked the driver to take him to the airport. Bewildered by the sudden savaari (ride), the driver who lay asleep got dressed up in a jiffy and began loading the luggage in the boot. Me startled at the turn of events took Pa's phone to find the driver details sent to us by Hola Cabs which we originally booked. Pa said its late and I got no time to look for the cab I booked, so I am good in this cab and he took off. 

We were like okay, as far as he reaches safely and we turned back into the building after waving him from the sidewalks, just to realise the wooden door was closed & locked, intercoms down and the Video doorbells not working! And the real tragedy is none of us had our phones. I begin to inappropriately smile and show my teeth when we are in a terrible fix/ordeal and I was just doing that but a little too much this time. The only person that can be contacted for help is Pa and he is already gone and how do we reach Pa, we hadn't figured that out yet. 

Three of us stood there looking at each other thinking to ourselves, damn it.. It was around 1:45am now, I took a small stroll surrounding the building making Rose Jackson noises, Help! Is someone there? Can you help us, (looking upward to the houses.) Knowing it's of no avail, me and Ma went to the police booth two blocks away to find help and alas the furious Hola cab fellow was waiting. Oopsie!! 

Moved passed him innocently and told the policeman the story of Pa's-airport-and-ladies-lockout, he was kind enough to give his phone so we can contact Pa. Ma took the phone to call Pa so he can call someone in the Apartment but Ma forgot Pa's number in the recklessness of the situation and I stood there with my eyes popping out and the uncomfortable teeth showing began. She panicked a bit trying to remove the cloud of hopelessness and thankfully remembered his number. She informed Pa to call Mehta sir, the secretary of the building to open the door for us. We thanked the policeman and got into the parking area with a sense of Yeah-we-figured-this-out and told Ramu, nothing to worry.. Mehta sir will open, let's wait here. He said Mehta sir is out of station from last week madam. Waow what a waow!!

My spirit sank into my deepest spot and my eyes started to look for a place to spoon in the basement, but trying to stay upbeat and controlling my lips from showing the teeth, I was thinking of alternatives. Thanks to Captain aka Pa, he called our neighbour Rupal who was at her mother's place for the weekend. Seeing a call at 2am, she was petrified not knowing if her husband was alright. Pa explained and she called her husband who was in the building, His heart failed seeing a call from his wife at such an hour in the night from 600 kms away and frantically answered hoping to hear nothing was wrong with her or the kids. She explained and he came down and rescued us.

After disturbing half a dozen people's sleep and giving each of them mini-heart attacks, we went into our house, turned off the lights, shut the door behind us and latched it while I opened my laptop to record the insanity of that night.

The End.
May 12, 3:05