When girlfriends spill the beans

I present to you emotions. Emotions of wantedness, validation, belongingness and companionship. I have both given and received love in abundance. The soaring midnight calls, waking up to good morning texts, the i-miss-u's and the i-love-you's, the flirtatious nudging, pinching, holding of hands and rubbing of fingers within tightly held palms, the deliberately mistaken touch in a crowded elevator followed by a sly smile, inappropriate banter, from feeling each others toes from under the table, canoodling in a car or petting with eyes across a room amongst peers. 

I know it all, have seen it all, and had it all.

But what happens when you snap out from a Cecelia Ahern's novel and realise that's not good enough? This smoke of romance has been fogging your vision life. In other words, what do you do when life happens (read as shit happens). You look into those emotions, an the people associated with them and all you find are a bunch of prawn heads that make you squirm.

We want the real deal and most often than not, we realise we are somewhat missing it. It could be monetary accomplishments, emotional unavailability, or even not getting some. The need for an uplifting bunch of people to call as our own, our people and kin. Intellectual companionship that is simple and straightforward. No underlying intentions or hidden agendas. No need of coy or flattery. Just outspoken, honest and decent talk. Is that too much to ask Apparently! Despite being kind, approachable, jovial, temperament and level-headed, it's hard to find your tribe.

Its almost like being good and moral is the reason we fail. The world has changed so much that it doesn't hold good in good stead anymore. 

Call ended 00:57:29

Beware of the office flirt.

I have an appetite for unhealthy food and so does my heart for unhealthy relationships. The desire to feel belonged is the first hit of shovel on the grave of independence. Being in a relationship; the idea of someone dominating you out of their possessive love for you is what romantic best sellers are made of and what unadulterated teenagers in their adolescent prime crave for. But that is not what a liberal, forward thinking, independent girl like me can stick up with.

Boys come in all sizes and shapes (pun unintended, really). Yeah, there are the cute ones with vacant brains, the brainy ones with narrow minds, the douche bags border-lining as smarty pants and the wannabes trying to scale up at their charismatic game.

Every girl loves a little pampering, unfiltered compliments, a little tongue in cheek moments when *conversing* with the guy she is crushing on. You know the coquettish behaviour of flirtatious laughs, uncontrollable giggles and obvious drooling action? Yes, we all love it but hey, don't interpret all that coying to be a green signal to take things to the next level, cause buddy there is no next level in office flirting unless you are immature, sad and do not see your self-worth or is driven on attaining your full potential.

I am all in for socialising, cracking up, chilling out, even sharing inappropriate jokes and stuff, but hey, know what you want. Stay focused, don't let the circumstances take its own course, be in control. Besides, some people are really sweet, don't lead them (read as use them) if you're not planning on receive them at the other end.

He played me

I'll call you back, he said.
She waited for hours, expecting.
His sweet words of simple pleasures lured her.
She lolled around with never-ending anticipation.
He had promises of hope and care.
She surrendered to petty joys.
And succumbed to trivial temptations.

The other guy.

He makes me smile.
He makes me dream.

He runs in my mind.
He races my heart.

He excites my senses.
He seduces my hormones.

He lets me be me.
He lets me speak my mind.

He undresses me.
My spirit, soul and body.

He gives me hope, but he won't be around.
He says he loves me, but it is not without reason.

He makes me feel special,
Because I need validation to feel so.

He makes me feel beloved.
I enjoy that attention because I lack maturity.

He gives me much importance.
I enjoy how it feeds my pride.

He has a consuming effect on me,
Because he is not 'the one' but the other guy.

Finding Jesus.

Jesus is not a bad word. Unless you are not willing to help yourself and admit you need someone who will love you unconditionally and will not judge and ridicule you for your faults, don't bother to read further.

God created the Heaven and the Earth and all things in between. He is the Giver of life, the Captain of all people, and the Chiefest of Counselors. It amazes me that someone (Jesus) of such stature in all respects has unfulfilled desires. See God is great (we all would have heard that a lot) but let me tell you this. He is very poor too. He is so poor that sometimes He is longing for our attention. There are a zillion people on this planet, yet the Lord wants to spend time with you. Yes, you. He enjoys your company in prayer, thanksgiving, singing and praises. 

The heart of Jesus is so huge that it can forgive all the mistakes of all the people that are to ever walk on this earth and still so tender and compassionate that it breaks a little every time we hurt him. I wish people understand Jesus the right way. I do not understand how someone can ever misunderstand Him. I can give you an array of adjectives to describe His character and love for you, but I want to talk to you about the heart of Jesus. His heart is everything that is love, care, grace, affection, mercy, compassion, long-suffering, purity, and so much more.

You may not have been introduced to Jesus, may be you didn't have a Christian friend or may be the family you are from raised you in an orthodox and uptight manner that blinded your inner eyes. Whatever the case may be, its not late.. yet. More than anything Jesus is your friend, He has the potential to be your best friend and mentor. 

Just come to a place of peace and stillness in your heart and commune with Jesus. Try Him. Call on Him. Talk to Him. Ask Him. Seek Him. YOU WILL FIND HIM.

Moment of Weakness.

Sitting quietly in an unnoticed corner with tears dripping continuously and my heart racing over my will power, I think of the moment that will be if I gave in to this moment of weakness. Why do I call it a weakness when it seems as the right-est thing to do? It is weakness because I know in my mind and somewhere in my heart that I should not be doing it. 

Why should I not choose that part of my heart that encourages me to do the thing that 'seems' like the right thing to do? I cannot cave to that part of my heart as that is the part I created to support my irrational thoughts and talk me into the things that I do not wish to do (in the right mind) but still wish to do.

I want it so bad, I don't think I can go past the compelling feeling of wanting to make a call or send a text. If I go ahead and give in to that moment of weakness, I will for that single moment or two be happy or don't know how I will actually feel. If it was really good for my life, why is there no peace in my heart, why are my cheeks still wet and why am I choking over my own voice? 

If this is real happiness why is it making me so weak?

The Princess and the Marine 2001

This movie is a true beauty.  It was bright to my eyes and pale to my soul. I was feeling so overwhelmed and happy for the couple. When they missed each other, I was ufff.. When they got an opportunity to meet & kiss I was yay for them! I felt really good watching the movie. It is one of the very few movies I really enjoyed. I don't know if you guys have watched this movie before or planning on watching it after you'll read this, but what I gotta say is after all it sucks to know what the future holds.

I was all awww and ahhh throughout the movie and when I saw a happy ending I was all the more thrilled! When the curtains were dropped and just before the names of the cast appeared, there was a message and I was like oh boy, this sucks! You'll may not fully understand what was wrong and I don't want to fully give away the scene. You may want to watch it to decide yourself. Anyway, what inspired me to pen this post is the realisation that the Father above knows it all - in big block letters I want to repeat. HE KNOWS IT ALL. 

We are just a bunch of half-baked humans trying to put things together like we are the anchor of our lives. Huh! God is in charge of every episode in our life and when the season changes, he gives us the reason too in the following season. A happy ending might lead to a gross beginning and that inturn will head to a happy ending. There is always hope. Always and at all times till we breathe our last. I felt really bad to know how they ended up in 5 years after knowing they were inseparable in love having built their relationship on gratitude, respect, mutual desire for one another, so much determination and the willingness to be together.

But when its time, it's time! What I gathered from the People Magazine article is that the Princess had gone astray in the crazy night life of vegas. She threw away a man's endearing love for something that was vain and temporal? I am not judging here, I don't actually know what she went through. But given the circumstances and going by the statement of Johnson especially when he told the press "Deep down inside, she knows that I loved her more than anything in the world. I can say I enjoyed every minute I spent with her." I thought wow! This is love, true and surreal.

When I read what he felt for her I could feel again the strong essence of their love and the sneak-peek of how they would have felt in the fairy tale of love. Oh it was so so worth all the hardships they overcame. That's the beauty of love, there is no single explanation to define the boundaries of love. It is truly divine.

P.S Sorry for clumsily putting together unrefined thoughts, but this is what the movie did to me. Shook me up and left me in awe!

Happy Birthday Husband Dearest.

On your birthday,

I want you to know, 

That I didn't like you

At first.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

Marrying you was the best decision of

My life.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

Your love, affection and care melts me

From within.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

For your every solid hug and soft kiss, I'd 

Kill for.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

You add more substance to my life, 

Like none.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

I am happy being with you,

At last.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

I cannot think of a life

Without you.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

You're every girl's dream and

My reality.

On your birthday,

I want you to know, 

Beginnings don't matter so much as

The end.

On your birthday,

I want you to know, 

This life of ours will be a blessing because we serve a

Mighty God.

That Night in the Rains

 

We were at the hapless Domino's that night wrapping up our dinner and suddenly heard the thundering of the
sky, before we could settle to the thought it might rain, there was a downpour. The sound of the heavens clashing and a scintillating weather that wearied almost every mundane weariness was a beauty. We could not even stand there at the entrance of that eating joint to watch the rains as the heavy dews were ferocious.

After restlessly waiting about 7-12mins, my husband proposed something. In a jiffy we were outside embracing the spine chilling Niagara and was thoroughly drenched before we could fully get down the stairs on to the parking lot. I felt the top layer of my skin benumb as the refrigerating winds chilled me to my bone. Though I complain so much, it was a phenomenal 20 minutes ride I may not forget (I don't trust my memory though :P). My husband accelerated his bike and went on against the deluge wooting and making excitable noises shuddering off his numbness and tingling. Being a pillion, I took maximum comfort hiding behind my husband's vast shoulders, holding my hands together prayerfully and sneakily looking up even as my jaws kept kicking each other in continuous rhythm.

The ride was exhilarating. The raindrops felt like dragon clonks, poking and hitting our eyes, forehead, face and everywhere. Our vision got blur as the torrents evaded our focus making us lose direction even as the black clouds got darker. With much haste and careful judgement we rode home ardently. My husband thoroughly enjoyed the ride and I enjoyed admiring him even as he got impishly eccentric watching the rains and drenching himself in its sleet with sheer joy. Its so true that the young at heart are the ones who can laugh at anything and enjoy even the little things in life.

I felt magical. There was a new-found love for my husband as I watched him choosing to get wet and wanting me to be a part of this rhapsody. That night in the rains inched me closer to his love, making my marriage a little more stronger.

If Only Chocolates were Men

She thinks food, grabs a chocolate
She feels bored, grabs a chocolate

She's disturbed, grabs a chocolate
She's relaxed, grabs a chocolate

She feels betrayed, grabs a chocolate
She feels lost, grabs a chocolate

She feels good, grabs a chocolate
She feels not-so-good, grabs a chocolate

She's delighted, grabs a chocolate
She's depressed, grabs a chocolate


She thinks sex, grabs a chocolate. 
She thinks chocolate, grabs a chocolate

..and I've *not* been having chocolates for a while now, and I am she.
This is life.