Did she have it in her?

Yes, this is my journal and no, that is not a vodoo doll.

She thought she knew what she wanted,

And she let herself believe in it.

She worked hard at it

And realised she wasn't going far

She sat back; asking herself,

If she really knew what she wanted

Her heart said it did; and

Her mind acted like a dud

She tried yet again; and this time

She put her mind to it

It looked like she was going to make it work

But her faith kind of faltered 

She looked around for help

A comforting face, a kind smile: None.

She looked within and Alas,

A friend waiting and a passionate soul

She got to her desk again, now feeling different

Not with a plan yet, but with a sure goal

She knew she had herself

And that can sometimes be too much too.

She leaned behind and smiled; Her mind echoed, 

'Life is not as bad as you thought, eh?'

But her heart thundered, ' Life is great.,

Just be willing and always believe'

Life goes on..

Packing lunch for parents is quite a nice thing to do, so I hurriedly stuffed their boxes, as parents can also be like the kids that run late to school. It was around 10 am and I felt that the day was already over. I hate the feeling of having nothing to do in a world of infinite opportunities. Um, yeah, I heard how it sounded in your head. So let me rephrase it, "I hate myself for allowing me to feel that I have nothing to do in this world of infinite opportunities."

Unable to delete those defecating thoughts of nothingness and self pity, I went to my room and spiralled on my bed. I was telling myself in the ghastly way possible that I do not want to sleep away right now, I do not want to be succumbed to anything lecherous or defiling on thoughts or actions just because I feel empty inside. I lay there feeling bleak at heart and pained in my soul. I think I allowed myself to fall asleep for 15 mins, it felt like one of those cold nights, where the chillness in the atmosphere gives you the feeling of luxury and comfort, the natures way. I thought it was raining as I could hear the droplets of joy and the smell of sweet petrichor and I could feel my heart dampen with cognizance and willingness to shake off my doleful and pessimistic feeling about life.

I turned over and faced the ceiling, still having my eyes closed as I was too afraid to open my eyes to my pathetic self. I told myself under my breath those 3 magic words, 'Life goes on..' 

"Everyday is a choice we make to improve our present state of life or dig ourselves an early grave." I thought of all the underprivileged people on this planet, destroyed by the inability to grow out of their poverty, drug addiction, slavery, epidemic diseases and those dying in war camps and battlefield. I thought of the free life I have, without ANY of the above mentioned cripplement. Every moment is a decision we make to be happy and bold irrespective of the circumstances we are in. 

Love Unconditional

God created the Universe,

The shining stars and the beaming sun,

He let the earth hung on it,

Yet held me close in His heart.

I cannot speak of His love divine,

It is pure, it is radiant and it is undefiled,

To have a Father and Friend like Him,

I did no good or helped no poor,

His Mercy reaches the ends of the Universe,

His grace shoots up till the Milky way.

To think this world is here to stay,

Is akin to the sheep that has no understanding of the slaughter house,

The butcher is waiting with his sharpened knife,

But he looks so pleasant and charming to the face.

Don't fall a prey, 

Your life is most precious.

Jesus hung on the cross and purchased you with His blood,

Don't let the devil deceive you.

He shows you pearls and lures you with vain joy,
His heart is crooked, his ways are twisted.

Is not the God who created you not know what kind of joy you will need?
Try Jesus.
You will never want the world again.
Come to Him now, He is waiting for you. 

Why am I a fool?

I waited, I expected,

I returned empty handed.

And still I waited and expected.

I cried, I wept,

I couldn't sleep at night.

I called, I texted and was ignored,

Yet I called, texted and wept the entire night.

I trusted, I was betrayed.

I loved and was heart broken,

I surrendered and was exploited

And yet again I believed.

Now you know the answer to my title.