What Jesus did in my Life.

By Confessing the Power in the Blood of Jesus,

* I have gotten over continuous guilt and condemnation
* Been healed of sicknesses and ailments
* Received deliverance from sinful pleasures
* Received grace to complete my tasks promptly and perfectly
* Have forsaken bad attitude and awry characters
* Helped in overcoming lofty thinking, pride, bitterness, anger and lust
* Received peace of mind, body and soul
* Helped me appreciate and value even small little blessings
* Has made me grateful for the things I have
* Taught me to trust in the Lord at all times
* Encouraged me in times of distress and peril
* Received new hope and comfort

I am sorry Pa.

I can hear the sobs in my heart,
The thoughts in my head are reeling
My spirit within is turbulent and my
heart is aching in despair.

I did not mean it dad,
My folly took over me,
You are the synonym of love and affection,
I can never think of you bad.

I was in a cheery mood and said something.
I did not think enough,
I was obviously an idiot.
But I wish you'd know me enough.

Sorry seems to be the smallest word right now
How much ever I mean it.
A hurting word certainly cannot be taken back,
Even if it was for fun & without any faulty intention

But I want you to know daddy,
I will never repeat it again,
Never Ever,
You can trust me on that.

Because I have no life without your love.
I can do no thing without your blessing.
I am sorry daddy,
I really am.

If Only Chocolates were Men

She thinks food, grabs a chocolate
She feels bored, grabs a chocolate

She's disturbed, grabs a chocolate
She's relaxed, grabs a chocolate

She feels betrayed, grabs a chocolate
She feels lost, grabs a chocolate

She feels good, grabs a chocolate
She feels not-so-good, grabs a chocolate

She's delighted, grabs a chocolate
She's depressed, grabs a chocolate


She thinks sex, grabs a chocolate. 
She thinks chocolate, grabs a chocolate

..and I've *not* been having chocolates for a while now, and I am she.
This is life.

Zero Motivation.

I find myself in this state more often. My understanding of motivation is to have the will to accomplish. I have the will, but I haven't accomplished...yet.

Does that mean my motivation is not good enough? Who motivates who? Whoever motivates, I see no change. I agree and realise, yet nothing. Nothing because there is no act. This is where I completely fail on following the famous marketing principles of planning, organising, implementing and controlling. I don't do these things. 

Because its too much work you know. So I am not only motivated enough, but also dead lazy, mmmm. I just carry this grave disbelief that I can never achieve. This is sad, yes it is. When I am so sure of what I am, I should may be stop trying.

Wait, may be I should try harder. May be someday I can add a One before the zero and give myself the benefit of being zero motivated once. Or.., whatever!

Love Conquers All Things.

Ours was a prototypical arranged marriage. We did NOT fall in love at first sight. Our first SMS, online chat, voice call, meeting, basically *all of our firsts* was quite less than a disaster. After a month's time we got married. We were not even engaged, swam into nuptials in less than 2 months from our first meeting. My husband (as I love to call him) has all the characteristics of a hero from a top selling romantic novel. No! I am not lying. He is tall, handsome, extremely kind, polite, decent, compassionate, affectionate, la la la la la.. Right now we've been married for almost 90 days, when I look back at the past days I've spent with him, I feel surreal. It has been an amazing life-altering joyride. We are good for each other but we didn't click. Yes, you heard me right. 

When I think of him, I see in him every quality I wish I had. He is such an admirable human being, a very responsible son, buddy like brother, soul mate type friend, a stand-by cousin and a wonderful son-in-law. With him its always play, laughter, outing, shopping, strolls at the beach, eating at a fancy restaurant, unwinding long drives, bike rides in the pouring rain, late night movies, and everything that makes my heart light and merry. He is a dream for most women and I am thankful to God I can live a dream. 

We are certainly not the same type and issues started cropping up between us from left right and centre. Contentions with no value and strifes that seemed endless. We felt practically impossible to live with so much of hurt that was inching to animosity each day. We stopped and looked around at the people we knew - friends, family, colleagues, friend's friends and the society at large and thought of the misery they all go through. We realised how blessed we are to be provided with all the luxuries of life and we looked at each other with eyes of faith, trust, genuine respect and love and decided to put behind the bitterness. We couldn't stop falling in love with each other and our love grew fonder with every passing day. We chose to consider the intention in each others hearts and not mere words or actions.

We chose to see what mattered and not what was visible. No wonder, love stood tall in our hearts.

Do it. Jus' Do it.

Procrastination is my middle name. I don't remember doing a thing the same day I was asked to do. It is one thing to be selfish and make sure 'your' work is done and it's another thing to dilly-dally on the work assigned to you. But I am an exception. I don't do my work on time nor others'. Uhm, I am not proud of it ya'll, don't look at me like that. *straight face*

I took time to find out why I am like this, well its in my gene for one. My father did not even collect the pension benefits after my nana passed away. He put it off for a later date and that work never saw daylight. Most of the times, when I drag it off, the work actually never gets done. It either becomes too late, or I just wrap it off without much attention, so obviously the end result would be no good.

Having a habit/attitude/behaviour of this kind just rusted me. I wasn't happy. I wasn't a reliable person. I created a very undependable image. Though friends and family weren't explicit about it, I knew this was in their mind cause I carried such an aura with me. We'll I earned it. Days, months and years passed and I was still trying to fix this habit, I couldn't. 

For a day or two, I'd be just perfect. Then it was going back to the drawing board. I used to be so frustrated with myself and my parents cause they were just fed up with me and kinda labelled me as inadequate. Well I deserved it, so I couldn't really say anything about it.

I got married and nothing changed. When my husband used to be quick and immaculate with all his work, I used to feel miserable, not because I was jealous, hell no. I thought I wasn't may be good for him, he is close to a perfectionist and me close to a certified putter. Grave inferiority complex choked me, everyday became a mourning. I felt incorrigible, I felt forsaken.  But wait, mourning lasts for a night; joy cometh in the morning.

After what seems like an era of adjourning and warming chairs, I met myself. I looked at myself, frail and pathetic. I talked myself into agreeing this cannot go on and things have got to change as it was affecting my personal and professional life.. Believe me, things have been beautiful since then.

I want to close by saying - You are the power. You have the power. You can do it, so why not?

I miss him.

His smile that lights up my face.
His eyes that speak of affection.
His words that's like music in my head.
His voice that's a delight to hear.
His face that reminds me that God is faithful.
His comforting hugs that inspirit hope in times of distress.
His every touch that reiterates that he's a keeper.
His presence that makes life so much more meaningful and eclectic.
His love that's O so innocent and inexplicable.

He is my husband & I miss him.

Psst..for those of you who haven't read my blog before, my husband is in Merchant Navy
11 down, 74 days to go! :D