Day 3 - Writing challenge; Office bimbo, daddy's girl and summer trip

Such a long day! 

But mine doesn't end without keeping up the promise to myself, remember?

I went through 3 ideas for today's blog. Started each one partially and abandoned it midway. I read today that when you're editing after writing, if the editing takes more than 3 rounds, probably your messsge is shallow. Its not the words but the message or piece that needs reconsideration.

Since I have not been able to decide on the topic, I am just going to summarize in 2-3 lines every idea I could have stretched but wouldn't have made sense or could have had I had the vision.

Here goes.

Can't imagine a life where my dad is not around. Being alive in a world where your parents are not alive is the worst. I love and hate my parents. It happens in cycles and I have come to realise that is the healthiest and most authentic I have been to myself. Coming to terms with how I feel and having the courage to actually say it and be okay with it.

Some people just have their way in corporate by being dumb and shrewd. Its a toxic combo all the way. But they are successful nonetheless. Being kind, humble or hardworking is a good life virtue but not necessarily rewarding in corporate. I would still recommend being a good person than a shrewd and dumbass professional.

After saying NO to 5+ locations to our annual summer girls trip, I am beginning to feel left out. I know my decisions were well thought out. So its really not the saying no that's off-putting but the ambiguity of not knowing when the next trip is. You see our calendars are blocked at the beginning of the year more and less. We have an idea as to how the months will be spent. This not knowing and not controlling the outcome is not new to me, but having an attitude of positivity is definitely not me. I am hopeful and optimistic but well prepared for negative outcomes if anything.

I did have some more bits on tittilating writing, using of oxymoron and metaphors. How AI is coming for our jobs and know to feel about all this. Those thoughts were not refined even mentally to build upon. They were just peeking. I guess this is enough for now.

Caio.

Why I can do this myself

Yo, what's going on? Why are you all quiet and ish..

Its funny you should ask, because you're the one acting all weird and distant.

What? What do you mean I am being aloof. You're the one sitting alone, not talking to anyone, having a long face and giving a hissy fit.

Yeah, I know. Am just feeling a little low. That's all.

But why?

I don't know, yaar.

Hm, is it something I did. I have a tendency to wander off and dig up dirt from our past. Then I keep replaying it, you know me right...

Am not sure, man. Am just not happy with myself.

Whaaat? are you kidding me? You have no reason to feel bad, ok!
You are working every day, doing your part and not hurting anyone.
We can say that you even help around a bit.
Can you do better? Yes, you could do better, but you're trying and that's everything.
Don't beat yourself up.

I don't know man, its just taxing you know, this adulting. 

So many things to juggle. You think you're doing enough, but is it really enough?

 I don't know, man. This is getting deep. I mean, I am not losing per se. 

So what! That doesn't mean am winning either. Am I? 

Ugh!! Guess am just anxious. Overthinking as usual. Stupid me.

It's good to keep a tab on your thoughts, weigh out your feelings
to just see for yourself where you're at, its good babe. Healthy even.
Just don't go bonkers, aight? Let it be.

You're right man, I need to calm down and relax. 

Thanks for being a friend and cheering me up. I feel a lot better.

Come on! Isn't that why I am still here, beating for you.

B e    y o u r    o w n   f r i e n d

When girlfriends spill the beans

I present to you emotions. Emotions of wantedness, validation, belongingness and companionship. I have both given and received love in abundance. The soaring midnight calls, waking up to good morning texts, the i-miss-u's and the i-love-you's, the flirtatious nudging, pinching, holding of hands and rubbing of fingers within tightly held palms, the deliberately mistaken touch in a crowded elevator followed by a sly smile, inappropriate banter, from feeling each others toes from under the table, canoodling in a car or petting with eyes across a room amongst peers. 

I know it all, have seen it all, and had it all.

But what happens when you snap out from a Cecelia Ahern's novel and realise that's not good enough? This smoke of romance has been fogging your vision life. In other words, what do you do when life happens (read as shit happens). You look into those emotions, an the people associated with them and all you find are a bunch of prawn heads that make you squirm.

We want the real deal and most often than not, we realise we are somewhat missing it. It could be monetary accomplishments, emotional unavailability, or even not getting some. The need for an uplifting bunch of people to call as our own, our people and kin. Intellectual companionship that is simple and straightforward. No underlying intentions or hidden agendas. No need of coy or flattery. Just outspoken, honest and decent talk. Is that too much to ask Apparently! Despite being kind, approachable, jovial, temperament and level-headed, it's hard to find your tribe.

Its almost like being good and moral is the reason we fail. The world has changed so much that it doesn't hold good in good stead anymore. 

Call ended 00:57:29