Day 18 - Life after a decade

I had 10 odd posts waiting to be published in my drafts. They have been lying there for many years, some more than a decade. I went about reading them and I could see the girl I was back then. So much spunk, not much charisma. I chuckled. What a hoot. Blatant and unapologetic. Full of opinions, hot headed yet curtailed by wisdom and constrained by common sense. 

It was refreshing to know myself through my own words. Strange in a way because you don't think you needed to refresh your memory by going through your old writing and and recognising who you were. Life hits you with a million bricks that sometimes you don't identify your own voice. It's bittersweet and in my case I am enchanted with my life story.

Young life is wild and I was no exception. You take on life like a painter ready with their brush looking at the canvas. The idea is clear, the colours are decided and the painting needs to happen. You don't mind the shortcuts or delays because you are fueled by desire and there is no replacement to that. It burns, you are consumed by that passion. It's an all time high. It's messy and uncoordinated. Full of flaws and without remorse.

Adulthood is not the same. Desire takes a back seat and for good reason. You can't run on carbs all your life. You get perspective, you recognise it's the discipline and choices that will help you in the long haul. Emotions are just distractions. You learn to discard any feeling calling it unnecessary or telling yourself such is life. 

But how can a person in a mere 10 years do a complete 180 and change themselves. This is checkmate from God and it's hilarious. All of us become gods of our own life when we make things happen for ourselves. When we crack a tough exam or get into a particular payscale or buy a car/house. We think we are in control. But after living life as much as I have, I can say with certainty that we are not build for control. 

We are built for experiences and honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. Why chase an ignorant lie when you can surrender to a painful truth. Life takes you on and transforms you, but when we ask God to walk with us, He simply doesn't let us get destroyed while going through the wringer but gets us out in one piece to live and fight another day. So choose God. 

Day 6 - Writing Challenge; Vulnerability, books and choosing freedom

What a great life. Thank You, God.

I was worried it would get harder to stay motivated to write everyday, I was wrong. 

This time I take to write has been such a sobering experience, its cathartic. Thank God for this desire to create and the intelligence to craft stories.

It occurred to me that as more readers are diligent in reading my blog everyday, if they scroll down to the posts of yesteryears and start reading one post after another. It might be like reading a book on my life. Why did I share so much information online? Why not? Writing is not an academic pursuit, its an exercise in vulnerability and a litmus test to speaking the truth even when you are exposing yourself to  judgement.

I read somewhere today how people are writing to be remembered. I don't think one should write to be memorable, we must use our creativity to invoke, inspire, guide, relate or comfort someone. Its akin to sitting by their side like a true friend, being there for them. If you are an avid reader, you will know that's how the reading experience is. The characters come alive. You are living with them and through them. Its surreal.

Sometimes I get annoyed that how much ever I learn, there is still some more to learn. Its like walking up to the horizon. I am sure there is a simple mindset fix to help me not get irate. It comes from the place of hunger for knowledge but it metamorphizes into frustration and lingers like low self-esteem. Its weird how in a world where people have enemies on the outside, I here turn on my own self every time.

Whatever you are going through, know that it will soon end. The good and the bad. Don't interpret a bad season or a bad day as a bad life. Learn to love yourself, depend on God, seek His support and just choose to be free. That's a real life-skill.