Day -11 Writing challenge; sweet bobby, catfishing & crime

As much as I enjoy a good mystery genre in books and sometimes in a film, I have not been too keen to watch crime documentaries. But today, I let myself pick something in random and had a disturbing few hours. 

I too was catfished once; its funny now because the time it happened even the word catfish wasn't coined. For better context you will have to google 'sweet bobby' to decipher the rest of the post. It was riveting. The big eye-opener was, I realized I understand psycho. 

At the end when Kirat discovered that her very cousin Simran was the person behind the screen, I too was dumbfounded. How can a 17 year school girl go to such lengths to violate and manipulate her sister? That too she kept up this charade for 9 years potentially ruining the life of Kirat in her prime years. It was appalling to recognize the capacity for viciousness taking shape in such a young person.

Being the inquisitive person that I am, I didn't just watch the documentary, I researched where are they now? What are they doing - you know I had to feed by curiosity. After going through many investigative reports, I read something which further piqued my angst. In a letter which Simran wrote Kirat which was undisclosed for legal reasons but paraphrased, she believed that we were both in a dark place and living in this kind of fantasy world that she created was bringing both of us some kind of happiness and joy.

Simran justified her nuttiness and actually believed that she was helping Kirat by creating a fantasy in which she was a good person. This part blew my mind. 

Every crime is justifiable when you see it from their point of view. So who is at fault and who defines where the line should be drawn? If you say government or personal ethics or religious values, then what are the consequences and reward for those who flout and those who abide by it?

What's your endgame?

Day-10 Writing Challenge; corporate, kardashian and solitude

I spent the whole day working on one deck. This will be the 2025 marketing plan for the company I am employed with. I researched extensively and drafted different versions in the past weeks before I made the final compilation today.  So much has gone into this blueprint.

When you're a corporate professional for 16 years, your role keeps evolving and whether you're ready or not, you have to play your part. I struggle with managing teams. This has been my reality from the very beginning of my career. When I was 24, I got promoted as an Assistant Marketing Director in a pharma company. That was my first time managing a team. I hated being responsible for others' productivity and results.

Of course at that time I looked at management roles as a burden and taking away the opportunity for my growth. But now as I am priming for leadership, I understand it's a privilege, responsibility and an honour to spearhead a team, mentor and guide your mates.

In the early years, rather than trying to work through it and find a way to acquire people management skills, I took the opposite route and became an independent contributor. For the years that came after that in my 20s I mostly took collaborative roles where I didn't have to mentor anyone but were peers with all of us in the same level.

I work extremely well by myself, but my deliverables cannot be my own at this stage in my career. It's the team effort and I am just a catalyst. 

This attitude had also spilled over into my social life. I was listening to Khloe Kardashian today on Jay Shetty's On Purpose podcast. She said as much as I enjoy my solitude, it doesn't mean that's the right way to live. I have to consciously create social opportunities to meet people. Even for me, I do things only if it has to be done, not because I want to do them. When it comes to catching up with friends or family, as much as I show excitement while I make the plans, I am at 50% when I execute it.

With more life experience I am also learning that not all the things I do need to be heartfelt.

Wish that cousin a happy anniversary even if you haven't spoken to them the entire year. Say hello to the neighbour even though he hates your guts. Continue to be kind to your tenant even though they don't lock the gate and allow the strays to enter your porch and pee on your doormat. These are simple things I can do to make myself societal and not hate people for their insensitivity or lack of camaraderie.

I was very big on doing everything with intent, purpose, value and meaning. Ab kuch nahi. Mann hai tho karungi. Nei tho don't care and DND.

Day 9 - Writing Challenge; Welp! I helped my students cheat

OK, this is not that serious.

Hear me out before you judge.

The purpose of an exam is to evaluate how much has been learned. What if the child has not prepared at all? They are bound to fail, yes? If we help them cheat, they score well - I know you're thinking I have gone full psycho by now, but hold that thought.

What about the ones who studied and scored well without having to cheat? We are failing them, no? There will be a disparity with the students knowledge but the grades will be the same? And what happens when they enter higher education or workforce without knowing anything? Gasp!

Example corona batch. Example quota students. Example donation kids. Example nepo kids.

Well well well.

Life doesn't happen in the black and white. It happens in the grey. Its messy, ugly, chaotic and unfair. The job of teachers, leaders and reformers is to create fair and equal opportunities but also to prepare the child for the real world.

My crime -  I gave away the questions before the exam to all my students. 

Five weeks ago, I questioned one girl in my class why she did not prepare for the revision test despite me chasing her everyday and sending her reminders and what not. She looked at me fighting tears but she was enraged. Female rage is real. She spoke softly but she was screaming on the inside.

She hated that I thought her life is all about just going to college and studying for the course I was teaching. In reality, she was battling an alcoholic father, a bone tired mother who was a house help, siblings who needed help with getting ready to school, cooking for them, upkeep of the house and her own mental health which was in the gutter.

She is 18. There were literally 3 people helping me get ready to school when I grew up. I remember it vividly. Life is not the same for everyone. I held back and listened to her patiently. She spoke for 30-40 minutes till she had nothing more to say. I told her exams should be the last of her worry. Exams are for evaluation but learning is for life. Just remember it is important, and make time for it whenever you can. You are already doing more than many.

And this path you are going through right now is also a learning and training which in the journey of life, will be rewarding. No pain is wasted. Besides don't get fixated on the score. Its just a number. In the long haul it will be insignificant. But don't ever think learning, or studying is a chore or an inconvenience. Education will change your life. 

I decided to help her now because it was still a term test and being a teacher especially in Indian culture where teachers are next to parents, I had to do something. My responsibility is also for the child's emotional and mental well being, not just for explaining the syllabus.

Btw, do I feel guilty about it? meh.

Day 8 - Writing challenge; millennials, matriarchy and musings

Woke up thinking of a line Prashasti Singh said in a podcast. 

Millennial women are in the cusp of transformation where we are abandoning traditional roles to become independent in every way possible. But we tend to forget we did have the privilege of being directed and guided which we have taken lightly. 

As much as we were sickened that parents and society continued to subdue women telling us how we are supposed to speak, sit or behave, what to wear, how to live, I realize its much worse for the men. They have been raised without any guidance and only forced expectations to provide, be brave, to work hard, not cry or express emotions.

Men were not asked for their consent either. 

Both genders are victims. But women are breaking the shackles much faster and with much conviction, making strides in their careers becoming successful (without paying for it with their dreams or being co-dependent) all while making their own way in the world. The men on the other hand are still riding the wave their fathers did; they are unhappy and are still in the figuring out stage. They say they need women, but not the way women of today want to be needed. So there is no supply to our demand.

Are we getting into a matriarchy then? God forbid. 

Whenever these thoughts of equality, modernity, femininity and feminism surfaces, I hit a roadblock. Its because my value system is built on the teachings of the Bible - Simply put, what God says, whatever God says and only what God says. The world does not follow the Word of God. I know God and His heart and I understand the ways of the world too. This abundance of knowledge and understanding stirs my heart and keep me musing.

to be continued...

Day 7 - Writing challenge; War - Its happening or is it?

We are at war.

This is the reality. But the reality is not real for me yet.

India is my country

I live in Chennai 12000 kms away from the country's capital where neither I hear the missiles shooting up like seen in Amritsar or drone attacks intervened as witnessed in Jaisalmer or the night sky changing into a lightning as seen in Pathankot or entire city being blacked out like in Delhi or sirens and mock drills in Lucknow or  evacuations in Kashmir or artillery shelling in Bikaner or Jammu.

In my conversations with family or neighbors, we don't speak of the toil this war is having on our individual lives. We think of it, yes. We pray it deescalates. We hope it doesn't bring much harm. There is an air of anxiety and panic, but its still a smoke. What should we as fellow Indians feel?

There is no manual or masterclass on this. Its a confusing time, there are lots of thoughts but much shouldn't be said. Solidarity and brotherhood is what is required.

When I finally admitted my parents for Covid in 2021 after circling 3 hours without any hospital taking them, I thought the hard part was over. Next morning the doctor calls me and says the time for treatment is already over. You should have brought them 10 days ago. Please prepare yourselves. 

I didn't stand there frozen or speechless, I chose not to believe what he said. I heard what he said, but I knew it was not true. Is it faith or is it denial? Only I know. By the grace of God my parents did recover, slowly and steadily. I didn't know it would be a reality. But it was. 

This time is like that. Its already happening.

I don't know how I would feel about the war tomorrow. Things may look different, but I will continue to hold onto faith, preparation and courage. It has served me before. It will serve you too.

This too shall pass.

Day 6 - Writing Challenge; Vulnerability, books and choosing freedom

What a great life. Thank You, God.

I was worried it would get harder to stay motivated to write everyday, I was wrong. 

This time I take to write has been such a sobering experience, its cathartic. Thank God for this desire to create and the intelligence to craft stories.

It occurred to me that as more readers are diligent in reading my blog everyday, if they scroll down to the posts of yesteryears and start reading one post after another. It might be like reading a book on my life. Why did I share so much information online? Why not? Writing is not an academic pursuit, its an exercise in vulnerability and a litmus test to speaking the truth even when you are exposing yourself to  judgement.

I read somewhere today how people are writing to be remembered. I don't think one should write to be memorable, we must use our creativity to invoke, inspire, guide, relate or comfort someone. Its akin to sitting by their side like a true friend, being there for them. If you are an avid reader, you will know that's how the reading experience is. The characters come alive. You are living with them and through them. Its surreal.

Sometimes I get annoyed that how much ever I learn, there is still some more to learn. Its like walking up to the horizon. I am sure there is a simple mindset fix to help me not get irate. It comes from the place of hunger for knowledge but it metamorphizes into frustration and lingers like low self-esteem. Its weird how in a world where people have enemies on the outside, I here turn on my own self every time.

Whatever you are going through, know that it will soon end. The good and the bad. Don't interpret a bad season or a bad day as a bad life. Learn to love yourself, depend on God, seek His support and just choose to be free. That's a real life-skill.

Day 5 - Writing Challenge; Age of Adaline, parents ka pyaar and prayer

Do you remember the scene in the movie Age of Adaline at the end when Harrison Ford would give a toast on his 40th wedding anniversary party with his wife by his arms gazing at his face beaming with love?

What love looks like

This is what he said, "When I first met this lovely lady, back in the olden days, I had... I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted to do in my job, but I didn't really know what I wanted to be as a man, when I grew up. If I ever grew up. But the commitment that she made, to our marriage and our family, to me, the quality of her love led me to understand that I could have no greater ambition in life than to be the best possible husband I could be for her. And I'm still working on it. So, here's to Kathy, love of my life, mate of my soul, mother of my lovely children. To Kathy.

As the room would laugh in happiness for the couple, they'd cut to their daughter sitting in the party smiling and visibly emotional with happy tears. In the entire movie, the daughter's role is less than insignificant, but in those 3-5 secs I felt it was an absolute masterpiece what managed to convey by showing their smiling adult daughter. A child's happiness (especially a daughter) is directly related to the love she witnesses between her parents. 

More so, the quality of love that a father bestows on his wife (her mother) does so much for the child emotionally and mentally, I'd say that's what an absolute healthy upbringing is. She wouldn't have to grow up and heal from the pain of never having experienced or witnessed how  love between two people looks like first hand.

There is so much to say about this topic, but I pray for all of you to find the love you desire and accept the love that has been given to you.