Day 13 - Writing challenge; two girls and a guy at crossroads

The year was 2002. Sonali was going to be 15 in a couple of months. Her father lived in Rajasthan for work. He was a tradesman. Her parents were somewhat estranged. It was not common knowledge but there was a man who visited Sonali mother often. 

So it was speculated. Nothing discussed. Scandalous in the eyes of their neighbors.

The unlabeled and unorthodox relationship she shared with her mother and 'uncle' was one she only truly knew. Her mother also sent her away to study in a convent up in the hills for all her school years. Her mother, being a mother did what she had to do to protect herself and her child. But the 11th std school year was over and Sonali had to come home for the holidays.

Around that time Kamini's family came to live in the same apartment. Her parents were in the textile business. Well-off, sophisticated and too busy to spend time with their children. In some way Kamini and Sonali were new to this place. Their souls perhaps spoke and made them meet each other. 

In the 90s, teenage girls were tired adults in a child's body. Yet they had their innocence. They celebrated birthdays together, went roadside shopping together, rode rented bicycles together and started growing closer. However they never spoke openly about what was going on in their lives. Their feelings, fears, shame, secrets.

One day something happened. Sonali had gone to collect her marksheets from school and when returning in the train along with her classmates, she met a guy. Probably in his late teens or early twenties. They sat across each other two boxes away in the same coach. Their eyes had met once accidently, and both were seeking occasion to have their eyes meet again intentionally but accidently.

Infatuation, desire, passion, adoration, obsession they all work together when you hit puberty. How you act when those moments of fleeting highs find you is backed by what you saw, experienced and witnessed in your childhood. Being the fearless girl she is, Sonali signaled Lucky to meet her at the end of the coach. They chatted, exchanged landline numbers with instructions on when to call, how many rings and so.

Sonali shared her wild adventure with Kamini who listened open mouthed and wide eyed. Suddenly the phone rang twice and stopped. Both laughed boisterously and Sonali had a naughty idea. Kamini decided to play imposter with Lucky. She spoke in a sweet, exaggerated, over-the-top voice in giggly chuckles as teenagers do. The girls laughed again bringing the roof down after hanging up. 

Sonali found this game of fooling Lucky more amusing and enjoyable that actually talking to him. Kamini on the other hand, having never had any opportunity or courage to meet or talk to a guy, felt like the apple had fallen on her lap. She thought of him day and night, waited for their calls, debated within herself whether to reveal her identity or maintain herself as Sonali.

Lucky liked the way Sonali looked. That's why he gave her his number. If I tell him the truth, will he feel deceived. But it was me all along. My voice, my jokes, my heart and my love.

She was too involved and too invested to let anything ruin what she had.

The new school year was about to begin.

Sonali had to leave.

Lucky wanted to meet.

Kamini was cornered.

What do you think happened next? 

Day 12 - Writing challenge; welcome to my Ted talk

Something happened in the past two days. Nothing to be alarmed, but it can be the beginning of something good for me. Let me share more when I am in a better headspace. 

For the longest time, I never thought there was an epidemic of loneliness though I read about it often  and it was a topic of discussion with my friends too. In fact I thought much worse. If you're lonely, either you have too much in your head and distancing yourself unknowingly from the people that care for you or you're just guilty or heartbroken about something, and you don't want to deal with people.

In both cases, it's your fault. 

To put it compassionately, you have the power to change it. 

But its not as easy as it sounds. The people in our world today say and feel they need people, but don't behave like it. 

It's the age old problem,

Want to lose weight, but won't stop eating.

Want to score high, but won't give up on distractions

Want to make friends, but won't speak to strangers

Even this has many complications. You can't stop eating, because you're an emotional eater. You're eating your feelings. You can't give up distractions, because you have trained yourself for receiving dopamine hits every 2 minutes. You can't exist without your phone. You can't walk up to strangers, because people can be dangerous and you are complicated to be heard and understood. Its too much work.

What then is the solution?

Do it anyway. Get messy. Be misunderstood. Have people look down upon you. What's the big deal?

Your life. Your way.

Hello main character energy!

Life is complicated as is, we don't have to make things any worse. Just be unashamed of what you feel and think. Do it. Take that risk. Be miserable, you will eventually feel better.

From personal experience, it has been the most painful path doing the things I didn't want to do, but it's twice as rewarding. You literally become a new person. 

Yes, you will look and feel different.

I encourage you to get out of whatever glumness and deadness you have inside of you.

The fact that we are given a new day is proof God and Life is not done with us yet. Don't limit yourself of whatever experiences designed for you. Do something wild. Do something weird. Do something silly. Do something new.

Your later self will be proud of you.

Last week I wrote my first two lines for the book I planned to write. No idea what the theme is going to be or what genre, but starting somewhere. Today I learned about ICP but in writing. ICP in marketing is Ideal Customer Profile. Whenever I write any marketing/brand message, I write for the ICP and not a general audience. So today while I was researching, I learned that I too should write for one person who will read my book. There is an exercise as to figuring out who that ICP will be, which I will be doing soon. Exciting times.

Any news from you guys? any masala.. fresh goss? 

Lemme know :P

Day -11 Writing challenge; sweet bobby, catfishing & crime

As much as I enjoy a good mystery genre in books and sometimes in a film, I have not been too keen to watch crime documentaries. But today, I let myself pick something in random and had a disturbing few hours. 

I too was catfished once; its funny now because the time it happened even the word catfish wasn't coined. For better context you will have to google 'sweet bobby' to decipher the rest of the post. It was riveting. The big eye-opener was, I realized I understand psycho. 

At the end when Kirat discovered that her very cousin Simran was the person behind the screen, I too was dumbfounded. How can a 17 year school girl go to such lengths to violate and manipulate her sister? That too she kept up this charade for 9 years potentially ruining the life of Kirat in her prime years. It was appalling to recognize the capacity for viciousness taking shape in such a young person.

Being the inquisitive person that I am, I didn't just watch the documentary, I researched where are they now? What are they doing - you know I had to feed by curiosity. After going through many investigative reports, I read something which further piqued my angst. In a letter which Simran wrote Kirat which was undisclosed for legal reasons but paraphrased, she believed that we were both in a dark place and living in this kind of fantasy world that she created was bringing both of us some kind of happiness and joy.

Simran justified her nuttiness and actually believed that she was helping Kirat by creating a fantasy in which she was a good person. This part blew my mind. 

Every crime is justifiable when you see it from their point of view. So who is at fault and who defines where the line should be drawn? If you say government or personal ethics or religious values, then what are the consequences and reward for those who flout and those who abide by it?

What's your endgame?

Day-10 Writing Challenge; corporate, kardashian and solitude

I spent the whole day working on one deck. This will be the 2025 marketing plan for the company I am employed with. I researched extensively and drafted different versions in the past weeks before I made the final compilation today.  So much has gone into this blueprint.

When you're a corporate professional for 16 years, your role keeps evolving and whether you're ready or not, you have to play your part. I struggle with managing teams. This has been my reality from the very beginning of my career. When I was 24, I got promoted as an Assistant Marketing Director in a pharma company. That was my first time managing a team. I hated being responsible for others' productivity and results.

Of course at that time I looked at management roles as a burden and taking away the opportunity for my growth. But now as I am priming for leadership, I understand it's a privilege, responsibility and an honour to spearhead a team, mentor and guide your mates.

In the early years, rather than trying to work through it and find a way to acquire people management skills, I took the opposite route and became an independent contributor. For the years that came after that in my 20s I mostly took collaborative roles where I didn't have to mentor anyone but were peers with all of us in the same level.

I work extremely well by myself, but my deliverables cannot be my own at this stage in my career. It's the team effort and I am just a catalyst. 

This attitude had also spilled over into my social life. I was listening to Khloe Kardashian today on Jay Shetty's On Purpose podcast. She said as much as I enjoy my solitude, it doesn't mean that's the right way to live. I have to consciously create social opportunities to meet people. Even for me, I do things only if it has to be done, not because I want to do them. When it comes to catching up with friends or family, as much as I show excitement while I make the plans, I am at 50% when I execute it.

With more life experience I am also learning that not all the things I do need to be heartfelt.

Wish that cousin a happy anniversary even if you haven't spoken to them the entire year. Say hello to the neighbour even though he hates your guts. Continue to be kind to your tenant even though they don't lock the gate and allow the strays to enter your porch and pee on your doormat. These are simple things I can do to make myself societal and not hate people for their insensitivity or lack of camaraderie.

I was very big on doing everything with intent, purpose, value and meaning. Ab kuch nahi. Mann hai tho karungi. Nei tho don't care and DND.

Day 9 - Writing Challenge; Welp! I helped my students cheat

OK, this is not that serious.

Hear me out before you judge.

The purpose of an exam is to evaluate how much has been learned. What if the child has not prepared at all? They are bound to fail, yes? If we help them cheat, they score well - I know you're thinking I have gone full psycho by now, but hold that thought.

What about the ones who studied and scored well without having to cheat? We are failing them, no? There will be a disparity with the students knowledge but the grades will be the same? And what happens when they enter higher education or workforce without knowing anything? Gasp!

Example corona batch. Example quota students. Example donation kids. Example nepo kids.

Well well well.

Life doesn't happen in the black and white. It happens in the grey. Its messy, ugly, chaotic and unfair. The job of teachers, leaders and reformers is to create fair and equal opportunities but also to prepare the child for the real world.

My crime -  I gave away the questions before the exam to all my students. 

Five weeks ago, I questioned one girl in my class why she did not prepare for the revision test despite me chasing her everyday and sending her reminders and what not. She looked at me fighting tears but she was enraged. Female rage is real. She spoke softly but she was screaming on the inside.

She hated that I thought her life is all about just going to college and studying for the course I was teaching. In reality, she was battling an alcoholic father, a bone tired mother who was a house help, siblings who needed help with getting ready to school, cooking for them, upkeep of the house and her own mental health which was in the gutter.

She is 18. There were literally 3 people helping me get ready to school when I grew up. I remember it vividly. Life is not the same for everyone. I held back and listened to her patiently. She spoke for 30-40 minutes till she had nothing more to say. I told her exams should be the last of her worry. Exams are for evaluation but learning is for life. Just remember it is important, and make time for it whenever you can. You are already doing more than many.

And this path you are going through right now is also a learning and training which in the journey of life, will be rewarding. No pain is wasted. Besides don't get fixated on the score. Its just a number. In the long haul it will be insignificant. But don't ever think learning, or studying is a chore or an inconvenience. Education will change your life. 

I decided to help her now because it was still a term test and being a teacher especially in Indian culture where teachers are next to parents, I had to do something. My responsibility is also for the child's emotional and mental well being, not just for explaining the syllabus.

Btw, do I feel guilty about it? meh.

Day 8 - Writing challenge; millennials, matriarchy and musings

Woke up thinking of a line Prashasti Singh said in a podcast. 

Millennial women are in the cusp of transformation where we are abandoning traditional roles to become independent in every way possible. But we tend to forget we did have the privilege of being directed and guided which we have taken lightly. 

As much as we were sickened that parents and society continued to subdue women telling us how we are supposed to speak, sit or behave, what to wear, how to live, I realize its much worse for the men. They have been raised without any guidance and only forced expectations to provide, be brave, to work hard, not cry or express emotions.

Men were not asked for their consent either. 

Both genders are victims. But women are breaking the shackles much faster and with much conviction, making strides in their careers becoming successful (without paying for it with their dreams or being co-dependent) all while making their own way in the world. The men on the other hand are still riding the wave their fathers did; they are unhappy and are still in the figuring out stage. They say they need women, but not the way women of today want to be needed. So there is no supply to our demand.

Are we getting into a matriarchy then? God forbid. 

Whenever these thoughts of equality, modernity, femininity and feminism surfaces, I hit a roadblock. Its because my value system is built on the teachings of the Bible - Simply put, what God says, whatever God says and only what God says. The world does not follow the Word of God. I know God and His heart and I understand the ways of the world too. This abundance of knowledge and understanding stirs my heart and keep me musing.

to be continued...

Day 7 - Writing challenge; War - Its happening or is it?

We are at war.

This is the reality. But the reality is not real for me yet.

India is my country

I live in Chennai 12000 kms away from the country's capital where neither I hear the missiles shooting up like seen in Amritsar or drone attacks intervened as witnessed in Jaisalmer or the night sky changing into a lightning as seen in Pathankot or entire city being blacked out like in Delhi or sirens and mock drills in Lucknow or  evacuations in Kashmir or artillery shelling in Bikaner or Jammu.

In my conversations with family or neighbors, we don't speak of the toil this war is having on our individual lives. We think of it, yes. We pray it deescalates. We hope it doesn't bring much harm. There is an air of anxiety and panic, but its still a smoke. What should we as fellow Indians feel?

There is no manual or masterclass on this. Its a confusing time, there are lots of thoughts but much shouldn't be said. Solidarity and brotherhood is what is required.

When I finally admitted my parents for Covid in 2021 after circling 3 hours without any hospital taking them, I thought the hard part was over. Next morning the doctor calls me and says the time for treatment is already over. You should have brought them 10 days ago. Please prepare yourselves. 

I didn't stand there frozen or speechless, I chose not to believe what he said. I heard what he said, but I knew it was not true. Is it faith or is it denial? Only I know. By the grace of God my parents did recover, slowly and steadily. I didn't know it would be a reality. But it was. 

This time is like that. Its already happening.

I don't know how I would feel about the war tomorrow. Things may look different, but I will continue to hold onto faith, preparation and courage. It has served me before. It will serve you too.

This too shall pass.