Why am I a fool?

I waited, I expected,

I returned empty handed.

And still I waited and expected.

I cried, I wept,

I couldn't sleep at night.

I called, I texted and was ignored,

Yet I called, texted and wept the entire night.

I trusted, I was betrayed.

I loved and was heart broken,

I surrendered and was exploited

And yet again I believed.

Now you know the answer to my title.

Sin: Behind its sweetness

I remember how it came in colours of purple, scarlet and black,

Beautiful to the naked eye,

In multi-coloured robes it came toward me beaming,

I swayed in its allure and it made me blind to the truth.

My heart kept beating fast,

The temperature within me was rising, 

I started feeling disconnected to my heart and mind,

I almost surrendered.

Step by step, inch by inch, 

The determination, purity and self-will faded,

Sin has a power, it is greater than all of us, 

And I got engulfed.

I vividly remember when I gave into it, 

It was a split second, but seemed really long.

I have now been invaded, before I knew I was enslaved.

The feeling was everything opposite to glitter, shine, radiance and fragrance.

I felt like the dirt in a swine's snort.

Sin is manipulation and deception in a beautiful attire,

I felt being eaten by worms and insects would feel better than the guilt of sin. Guilt! Yes that's where the light of God shines!

This vile body is a self-destructive sheet of iron ready to feed the magnet of sin. Its that natural, effortless and obvious. It seems to me that sin and the humans are made for each other. They click in a jiffy, they get involved in less than a minute and are making-out publically and shamelessly. They both are that spontaneous and meant-to-be.

Once you befriend sin, it embraces you and showers you with its choicest goodies like addiction, bitterness, unfaithfulness, hatred, disrespectfulness and abundance of pride. The funny thing is you have no idea that you have been gifted these qualities. They transcend into your personality and the transition is seamless. 

You comply and accomplish whatever your heart desires. Its as almost you get whatever your heart wants. But wait it won't be long before the candy eyed sinful snake tries to ruin you. As deep as you get into sin, you will be that close to giving up on your life.

There's Only One way to come out of it, Jesus.

His Might is all-dispersing and greater-than-sin. He is the only cure for the epidemic of sin. Not liquor or clubbing or adultery or drugs or partying. Only Jesus. Only His grace and the faith in Him. I cannot begin to describe the supremacy in Jesus' Name. 

Have you tried calling out 'Jesus' when you are in mental or physical pain? Next time, do it. Scream from the bottom of your heart. Say 'Jesus' with a sincere heart and a broken spirit and you will be amazed at His unicorn strength and how He turns your sobbing into laughter. Do it with faith. I urge all my readers to try Jesus. You will never be disappointed. That's a promise.

God bless! 

Getting Lost Amid Trees

Fancy huh? Yeah I like the idea of it too. My closest experience being around full grown dense trees was my walk in IIT-Madras for a dance event. The University campus is a lush foliage. Its a miniature world in itself. I have been there only once and I know very little about what else the place holds. Its a scenic beauty I must say. Walking under huge masculine trees is a bliss in itself. Their branches spread out like muscular shoulders and you feel safe and loved under them.

It is hard to explain how I feel when I see the beautiful majestic and vast expanse of the trees, I feel they talk to me when I continuously look at it. I feel they're listening when I speak my heart. The beautiful sun rays between the ferns and fronds against the beaming radiant sky is worth a million bucks. That's my favorite view of the trees. The window in my room opens up to this comeliness, and I love how a lone ray of sun escapes into my room, lighting up my heart and bringing a natural smile on my face.

When I got pensive about how nature introduces a pleasantness in our life despite how we treat it, it syphoned my amazement to the Master of it all, the Creator God. Everything that the Lord has made is perfect. From the sun, moon, stars, trees, seas, wind, hills, valleys.. e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. including man. How we ruin it is a wonder! Anyway, am glad that the trees are always going to stand tall, calm and inspiring to everyone that come to it despite their state of mind and I personally will always look upto it!

The Princess and the Marine 2001

This movie is a true beauty.  It was bright to my eyes and pale to my soul. I was feeling so overwhelmed and happy for the couple. When they missed each other, I was ufff.. When they got an opportunity to meet & kiss I was yay for them! I felt really good watching the movie. It is one of the very few movies I really enjoyed. I don't know if you guys have watched this movie before or planning on watching it after you'll read this, but what I gotta say is after all it sucks to know what the future holds.

I was all awww and ahhh throughout the movie and when I saw a happy ending I was all the more thrilled! When the curtains were dropped and just before the names of the cast appeared, there was a message and I was like oh boy, this sucks! You'll may not fully understand what was wrong and I don't want to fully give away the scene. You may want to watch it to decide yourself. Anyway, what inspired me to pen this post is the realisation that the Father above knows it all - in big block letters I want to repeat. HE KNOWS IT ALL. 

We are just a bunch of half-baked humans trying to put things together like we are the anchor of our lives. Huh! God is in charge of every episode in our life and when the season changes, he gives us the reason too in the following season. A happy ending might lead to a gross beginning and that inturn will head to a happy ending. There is always hope. Always and at all times till we breathe our last. I felt really bad to know how they ended up in 5 years after knowing they were inseparable in love having built their relationship on gratitude, respect, mutual desire for one another, so much determination and the willingness to be together.

But when its time, it's time! What I gathered from the People Magazine article is that the Princess had gone astray in the crazy night life of vegas. She threw away a man's endearing love for something that was vain and temporal? I am not judging here, I don't actually know what she went through. But given the circumstances and going by the statement of Johnson especially when he told the press "Deep down inside, she knows that I loved her more than anything in the world. I can say I enjoyed every minute I spent with her." I thought wow! This is love, true and surreal.

When I read what he felt for her I could feel again the strong essence of their love and the sneak-peek of how they would have felt in the fairy tale of love. Oh it was so so worth all the hardships they overcame. That's the beauty of love, there is no single explanation to define the boundaries of love. It is truly divine.

P.S Sorry for clumsily putting together unrefined thoughts, but this is what the movie did to me. Shook me up and left me in awe!

When You Go Through So Much Pain...

In life there is so much pain that we go through. Raw, scarful and hurtful experiences. Incidents and encounters that we would have stepped onto wittingly and unwittingly. They have broken us, torn us apart, made us lose hope, scattered our self esteem and have made us feel void. I remember so many times in my life strolling through such instances. They have been cruel. I vividly remember the bucket full of tears I shed every night as I chug holding on to my stuffed monkey aka tinku and mumbling in agony into the pillow.

I still can feel that hot bloody tears that kept soaring through the night almost like my head would fall out and detach from the face area. It was loneliness, helplessness, guilt, regret, abandonment, disappointment, self pity, and all the emotions that made me feel like a loser and a wuss. Almost always my tears ended with prayers. I thank God for that. I needed someone to listen to even when I felt I don't deserve to be considered. The screams in my heart resounded like the cries from the gates of hell. I used to feel devastated and miserable. The best part of these tears were My Lord was always there to wipe them (Rev 21:4). 

When you empty yourself by being crushed and washed out from within, you gain a strength that's akin to a unicorn, I can say it from personal experience. You are practically ready for any kind of crap that life might offer you. Its a feeling of empowerment, confidence, come-what-may-let's-do-this attitude. You must see me the next morning after an elongated night of continuous crying, I may not look my best but I'd certainly feel better. I love that and I know it started with the tears. So I love my tears too. No wonder they rightly put it 'No pain, no gain!' 

Impromptu and the Real You

Sometimes I really plan what I need to say, where I need to sit, what I need to wear and when I got to go. Those times have been near perfect. You know how preparation pays of right.. But I want to highlight those times where an outright idiocy (according to me) turns out extremely pleasant and admirable creating a cheery atmosphere for everyone involved.

That's spontaneity.. and such things don't happen accidentally, neither are they circumstantial or good timing. I believe it's the reflection of the person and the zestfulness in their spirit. You cannot build an empire overnight they say, similarly you cannot become a "personality" in a day. Yeah, a person who has a goodwill and reputation backing him.

"I feel if there's compassion in your eyes, charity in your hands, truth in your tongue, kindness in your lips and love in your heart, you have a great personality." 

Its not easy to win hearts these days, I mean everyone is aiming to be successful in one way or the other. Mediocrity seems to be evading. You are an outcome of the thoughts in your mind, purity in your heart, kindness in your words and the charity in your hands. People who are genuine may not outshine in today's world but they sure do carry a light in and around them. They are the real people and they are worth it.

Innocent Kids are from history

Me: Hello dear! *smiling and waving*

3 year old: *pompously ogles and walks away with oodles of disrespect*

Me: Don't go there, your dad has gone that side *signalling to my left*

3 year old: Turns around *pompously ogles and walks away with oodles of disrespect*

Just after the kid left I was led to think how children are no more synonymous to being sweet, inoffensive or adorable. The world has changed in umpteen ways and from what I've noticed, it has only become a non-livable surrounding as opposed to an ideal way to live as the technologists and bureaucrats call it. I still believe even amidst all the glamour and opulence, people haven't figured the right way to live their lives. Be it kids, toddlers, teenagers, adults and the elderly lot, everyone is in a league of their own. Morals and principles are self created with little or no restriction to what the mind and body wants. There is no compliance to the Almighty or the good inner voice whatsoever.

I know nothing much about parenting or how to bring up a child, but what I know is 'a child is a manifestation of his/her parents in every way'. I see kids who are less than 10 years behaving like pros in whatever they do despite having an understanding of um... uh.. close to nothing! Its good to be confident and go about putting your thoughts into action, but with humility. Its like making dough without adding water to the flour. You know what to do, but you don't know enough. Its a squander.

I didn't choose to write on this topic to give advise or ridicule on parenting. I am surprised by how kids behave in a certain undisciplined, misbehaving and ill-mannered way. My care rests with the thought what will become of these children when they become adults?

Happy Birthday Husband Dearest.

On your birthday,

I want you to know, 

That I didn't like you

At first.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

Marrying you was the best decision of

My life.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

Your love, affection and care melts me

From within.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

For your every solid hug and soft kiss, I'd 

Kill for.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

You add more substance to my life, 

Like none.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

I am happy being with you,

At last.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

I cannot think of a life

Without you.

On your birthday,

I want you to know,

You're every girl's dream and

My reality.

On your birthday,

I want you to know, 

Beginnings don't matter so much as

The end.

On your birthday,

I want you to know, 

This life of ours will be a blessing because we serve a

Mighty God.

The Social Media Menace.

 

Happiness is clearly misunderstood in today's social media planet. People presume with all surety that a person has a "happening" life when the LIKES they receive is at a minimum 100+ and if  their profile pics look like duck faced reptiles in lordly BGs. Happiness to me is when my heart is light, void of confusion, stress and pain. It might seem simple but the path to it is not. From the little understanding I have of life, (I believe one can never get to understand life holistically) the things that matter will be people in our real lives and only the real people matter. 

There is enough ado about being the social media king and queen but who really gives? I mean seriously, your remembrance of them in their entire lives will not equal the time you spend drinking up a not-so-tasty cup of coffee. You're that irrelevant. Every person needs to identify what is important to him or her in their online social circuit and use it to their advantage and not try to fit in 'everywhere'. It should be decided in the light of self-improvement, knowledge-gaining, humour seeking and harmlessly entertaining.

Last week I read that a 17 year girl committed suicide because her parents admonished her for spending long hours in Facebook. From when did Facebook become THAT important that it out ruled every sensible reason that should not be out ruled? I used to abuse social media later to realise its not taking me anywhere. I got wasted as a person. Like I always say, all things need to be taken in moderation and with a grain of salt. 

With conviction, you gain perspective and its never late; cause this menace will not have a full stop unless it begins with you.

That Night in the Rains

 

We were at the hapless Domino's that night wrapping up our dinner and suddenly heard the thundering of the
sky, before we could settle to the thought it might rain, there was a downpour. The sound of the heavens clashing and a scintillating weather that wearied almost every mundane weariness was a beauty. We could not even stand there at the entrance of that eating joint to watch the rains as the heavy dews were ferocious.

After restlessly waiting about 7-12mins, my husband proposed something. In a jiffy we were outside embracing the spine chilling Niagara and was thoroughly drenched before we could fully get down the stairs on to the parking lot. I felt the top layer of my skin benumb as the refrigerating winds chilled me to my bone. Though I complain so much, it was a phenomenal 20 minutes ride I may not forget (I don't trust my memory though :P). My husband accelerated his bike and went on against the deluge wooting and making excitable noises shuddering off his numbness and tingling. Being a pillion, I took maximum comfort hiding behind my husband's vast shoulders, holding my hands together prayerfully and sneakily looking up even as my jaws kept kicking each other in continuous rhythm.

The ride was exhilarating. The raindrops felt like dragon clonks, poking and hitting our eyes, forehead, face and everywhere. Our vision got blur as the torrents evaded our focus making us lose direction even as the black clouds got darker. With much haste and careful judgement we rode home ardently. My husband thoroughly enjoyed the ride and I enjoyed admiring him even as he got impishly eccentric watching the rains and drenching himself in its sleet with sheer joy. Its so true that the young at heart are the ones who can laugh at anything and enjoy even the little things in life.

I felt magical. There was a new-found love for my husband as I watched him choosing to get wet and wanting me to be a part of this rhapsody. That night in the rains inched me closer to his love, making my marriage a little more stronger.

What Jesus did in my Life.

By Confessing the Power in the Blood of Jesus,

* I have gotten over continuous guilt and condemnation
* Been healed of sicknesses and ailments
* Received deliverance from sinful pleasures
* Received grace to complete my tasks promptly and perfectly
* Have forsaken bad attitude and awry characters
* Helped in overcoming lofty thinking, pride, bitterness, anger and lust
* Received peace of mind, body and soul
* Helped me appreciate and value even small little blessings
* Has made me grateful for the things I have
* Taught me to trust in the Lord at all times
* Encouraged me in times of distress and peril
* Received new hope and comfort

I am sorry Pa.

I can hear the sobs in my heart,
The thoughts in my head are reeling
My spirit within is turbulent and my
heart is aching in despair.

I did not mean it dad,
My folly took over me,
You are the synonym of love and affection,
I can never think of you bad.

I was in a cheery mood and said something.
I did not think enough,
I was obviously an idiot.
But I wish you'd know me enough.

Sorry seems to be the smallest word right now
How much ever I mean it.
A hurting word certainly cannot be taken back,
Even if it was for fun & without any faulty intention

But I want you to know daddy,
I will never repeat it again,
Never Ever,
You can trust me on that.

Because I have no life without your love.
I can do no thing without your blessing.
I am sorry daddy,
I really am.

If Only Chocolates were Men

She thinks food, grabs a chocolate
She feels bored, grabs a chocolate

She's disturbed, grabs a chocolate
She's relaxed, grabs a chocolate

She feels betrayed, grabs a chocolate
She feels lost, grabs a chocolate

She feels good, grabs a chocolate
She feels not-so-good, grabs a chocolate

She's delighted, grabs a chocolate
She's depressed, grabs a chocolate


She thinks sex, grabs a chocolate. 
She thinks chocolate, grabs a chocolate

..and I've *not* been having chocolates for a while now, and I am she.
This is life.

Zero Motivation.

I find myself in this state more often. My understanding of motivation is to have the will to accomplish. I have the will, but I haven't accomplished...yet.

Does that mean my motivation is not good enough? Who motivates who? Whoever motivates, I see no change. I agree and realise, yet nothing. Nothing because there is no act. This is where I completely fail on following the famous marketing principles of planning, organising, implementing and controlling. I don't do these things. 

Because its too much work you know. So I am not only motivated enough, but also dead lazy, mmmm. I just carry this grave disbelief that I can never achieve. This is sad, yes it is. When I am so sure of what I am, I should may be stop trying.

Wait, may be I should try harder. May be someday I can add a One before the zero and give myself the benefit of being zero motivated once. Or.., whatever!

Love Conquers All Things.

Ours was a prototypical arranged marriage. We did NOT fall in love at first sight. Our first SMS, online chat, voice call, meeting, basically *all of our firsts* was quite less than a disaster. After a month's time we got married. We were not even engaged, swam into nuptials in less than 2 months from our first meeting. My husband (as I love to call him) has all the characteristics of a hero from a top selling romantic novel. No! I am not lying. He is tall, handsome, extremely kind, polite, decent, compassionate, affectionate, la la la la la.. Right now we've been married for almost 90 days, when I look back at the past days I've spent with him, I feel surreal. It has been an amazing life-altering joyride. We are good for each other but we didn't click. Yes, you heard me right. 

When I think of him, I see in him every quality I wish I had. He is such an admirable human being, a very responsible son, buddy like brother, soul mate type friend, a stand-by cousin and a wonderful son-in-law. With him its always play, laughter, outing, shopping, strolls at the beach, eating at a fancy restaurant, unwinding long drives, bike rides in the pouring rain, late night movies, and everything that makes my heart light and merry. He is a dream for most women and I am thankful to God I can live a dream. 

We are certainly not the same type and issues started cropping up between us from left right and centre. Contentions with no value and strifes that seemed endless. We felt practically impossible to live with so much of hurt that was inching to animosity each day. We stopped and looked around at the people we knew - friends, family, colleagues, friend's friends and the society at large and thought of the misery they all go through. We realised how blessed we are to be provided with all the luxuries of life and we looked at each other with eyes of faith, trust, genuine respect and love and decided to put behind the bitterness. We couldn't stop falling in love with each other and our love grew fonder with every passing day. We chose to consider the intention in each others hearts and not mere words or actions.

We chose to see what mattered and not what was visible. No wonder, love stood tall in our hearts.

Do it. Jus' Do it.

Procrastination is my middle name. I don't remember doing a thing the same day I was asked to do. It is one thing to be selfish and make sure 'your' work is done and it's another thing to dilly-dally on the work assigned to you. But I am an exception. I don't do my work on time nor others'. Uhm, I am not proud of it ya'll, don't look at me like that. *straight face*

I took time to find out why I am like this, well its in my gene for one. My father did not even collect the pension benefits after my nana passed away. He put it off for a later date and that work never saw daylight. Most of the times, when I drag it off, the work actually never gets done. It either becomes too late, or I just wrap it off without much attention, so obviously the end result would be no good.

Having a habit/attitude/behaviour of this kind just rusted me. I wasn't happy. I wasn't a reliable person. I created a very undependable image. Though friends and family weren't explicit about it, I knew this was in their mind cause I carried such an aura with me. We'll I earned it. Days, months and years passed and I was still trying to fix this habit, I couldn't. 

For a day or two, I'd be just perfect. Then it was going back to the drawing board. I used to be so frustrated with myself and my parents cause they were just fed up with me and kinda labelled me as inadequate. Well I deserved it, so I couldn't really say anything about it.

I got married and nothing changed. When my husband used to be quick and immaculate with all his work, I used to feel miserable, not because I was jealous, hell no. I thought I wasn't may be good for him, he is close to a perfectionist and me close to a certified putter. Grave inferiority complex choked me, everyday became a mourning. I felt incorrigible, I felt forsaken.  But wait, mourning lasts for a night; joy cometh in the morning.

After what seems like an era of adjourning and warming chairs, I met myself. I looked at myself, frail and pathetic. I talked myself into agreeing this cannot go on and things have got to change as it was affecting my personal and professional life.. Believe me, things have been beautiful since then.

I want to close by saying - You are the power. You have the power. You can do it, so why not?

I miss him.

His smile that lights up my face.
His eyes that speak of affection.
His words that's like music in my head.
His voice that's a delight to hear.
His face that reminds me that God is faithful.
His comforting hugs that inspirit hope in times of distress.
His every touch that reiterates that he's a keeper.
His presence that makes life so much more meaningful and eclectic.
His love that's O so innocent and inexplicable.

He is my husband & I miss him.

Psst..for those of you who haven't read my blog before, my husband is in Merchant Navy
11 down, 74 days to go! :D

You are the only person you have.

This title was not coined in a fancy. It is from a lifetime of understanding and annihilation of feelings which makes any self respecting person into a warehouse of wisdom. Life is not a bed of roses, so cliché yet bloody true. There is hard work and struggle at EVERY step in life, no rest, just battles. Not just one day but every second day. It's like the sun, the scorching heat might burn your skin but you can't do without the light.

Success is a big word to me, bigger than happiness. You can find happiness in small things but success is for the best people. You can never attain it in the fullest meaning of the word; its just a step to stamp on and lift yourself to the next step. Failure to me is bemusing, its got the quality of changing lives. It makes me humble, it makes me strong. It knocks me down, it brings me up. I need it, I can't do without it, but I don't desire it. 

I have many people in my life, just like any one of you. Parents, siblings, friends, spouse and many others. You talk, fight, dine and dance with them, people people everywhere all through your life. Yet, there is that loneliness; it is alive, you cannot deny. There is that emptiness, the well of consuming thoughts visiting you at steady intervals leading you to depressing nights or brighter paths. You can't meddle with it, its a consuming fire. You need to be clever, you need to know and believe that you have the power to make your life a blossom that God wanted you to be.

You need to pull yourself together, take a deep breath, connect with your inner man and move forward, and before you know it, you'd be at the last step to success and victory will be waiting to embrace you. Always remember, you are the only person you have; know yourself like no other.

8 Steps on How to add Twitter to your Blogspot

Having referred a dozen sites on How to add Twitter to your Blogspot and still not knowing How to, (the explanation was not detailed in my opinion), so I decided to post a blog on the detailed steps of how to add your twitter feeds to your blogspot account.

Read on, you got the answer here fellas.

1) Visit Twitter widgets to get started

Enter your username and password of your twitter account. It will take you to the widgets section. Now you need to Create your widget

2) Click on the button Create New and furnish the below details, you will see the preview of the twitter feed which will be seen in your blogspot account

3) After you have finalised on the Height, Theme & Link Color, you can find the preview of the twitter feed on the right side. Click on Save changes to Save your selection. Now, below the preview pane you will find a box with the HTML code, copy the link as instructed

5) Open a new browser tab and login to your google blogger account. Go to My Blogs - Layout - Add a gadget as described below. You can position the Twitter feed in your blog layout from the multiple layout options and by clicking and dragging the dotted lines.

6) Choose the Gadget - HTML/Java Script from the list. Click on the + symbol on the right of this gadget as described below

7) Clicking on the + symbol will open the Configure HTML/Java Script page, enter a Title name for your Twitter section and paste the HTML code copied from the twitter widgets page.

8) Click on Save and View Your Blog, Voilà! You have the Twitter feed on your blogger page.

Hope the 8 steps I've explained above was easy to understand, I don't do blogs of this kind.. but I know how important this is for bloggers, hope I helped. By the way, I figured this out myself ;) Keep blogging and leave your comments below if you will.

Thanks!

Weary of words

I am not happy these days, no I am not.. when I ask why? The answer is a reflex - because of words. I do not know enough words, I am disappointed, discouraged and hurt. I wanna write, I don't want to be a writer.. but I want to write to express my feelings that have always been so complicated, that I sometimes wonder if there could be an English word to equalise and explain the nature of my predicament (which in all probability is obscure). Sigh!

My yardstick for becoming better with my writing capabilities is purely measured by the scope of my vocabulary. And at this point, my vocabulary sucks, believe me I started typing vocabulary as v..a..c..a.. god! I am getting bad at spelling too!!

I am always seen at the want of words, I do not want to be that person whom I mock at, those people with no good command over the language who keep saying, "you know, you know, like.. like, mmm.." because they don't know the right word.

Oh I don't want to be a victim of my own remorseless attitude! What do I do? What do I do? Ah! Books, books, books it is! The travellers' abode, the poor man's shelter, the patients medicine and the water to my weariness.

*closes laptop and opens the Bible. What better book could there be, to start with?*

Good byes and Hope

Around 3am at the East Avenue, I stood there bordering the slushed drains from the night's rains, wearing my favorite lavendar chappal, blanketting myself in a black/white stripped shawl with my hair tied up unkemptly even as my badly cut fringes constantly fell on my face. I stood there feeling numb as I looked up at my 6 feet tall and handsome husband. Our eyes were misty, he clenched my hands in comfort and we looked aimlessly at each other. It was time, and I was prepared for this moment.

The cab driver unwillingly looked our direction, it was an angushing-comforting 15 secs of my life that I may not forget! It's a 3-4 months voyage, being in Merchant Navy has its perks and pricks. I knew it, so I breathed through the pain..

Been happily married for 2 months and to exchange a good bye kiss with my newly found lifetime love on the 2nd month anniversary is quite not the way I planned to celebrate it.

But I dare not talk about life being unfair to me, cause as I think of all the people who don't even have a job, those well educated ambitious 20s and 30s who are frustrated as their earning isn't enough to support their family, the many hard working labour class people who have left their families, friends, kith and kin for almost 12-15 months and gone to strange lands to work in mines, hotels, factories and other industries..

I breathe not the word unfair for when I think of all the people I've ever known, I know in my heart, I am most privileged. I simply have e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I believe pain is good, it adds more perspective to life.

A parting good bye is certainly heart wrenching however it cannot over power the hope and joy of meeting again. Can't wait!

2 down, 88 days to go! :D

You know you're in Love

when your heart aches to see his sweet face,
when you miss his smile and sigh thinking of his annoying ways,
when you feel helpless seeing him sad,
when you feel lost knowing he'll be gone for a while,
when his presence lights up your heart and starts a melody in your thoughts,
when the little things he did for you mounds before you like a mountain,
when a tear escapes now and then unknowingly and uncontrollably,
when friends seem far and family seems as an obstacle,
when happiness means his company and joy his laughter,
you know you're in love
.. and there ain't a feeling like it.

P.S -Just got the news that my husband will be leaving to sea in the next week for 3-4 months.
I just ask one thing from you Lord, keep him safely in Your arms all day long. I cannot trust him with anyone except You; When the storm sore high and the tempest blows wild, I know my God will take care of him (TPM Eng Hymn 134);

"There shall not any man be able to stand before thee all the days of thy life:
as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." (Joshua 1:5 KJV)

Happiness Is a Choice Even for the Wedded

I am a Christian by choice
I follow my faith by choice
I make friends of my choice
I eat the food of my choice
I select clothes of my choice
I wear my hair of my choice
I wear the make up, footwear, watch and perfume of my choice
I work, sleep, pray, play, cry of my choice.

I am an individual and I am independent...until I was married

I am still a Christian by choice
I still follow my faith by choice
I still have my friends but do not talk to them as often and that again is my choice
I still eat the food of my choice
I also select clothes of my choice
I wear my hair and perfume of my choice but I sometimes don't like it myself
I wear my footwear and watch of my choice but my husband doesn't like it
But I don't work, sleep, pray, play and cry of my choice.. I am led to it.

I am still an individual yet a dependant in 'every' way

Life has changed in more than one way, it has certainly changed and I 'choose' to believe it is for the good. My husband loves me, Oh yes he does! *long pause & sigh * ;P And I have a good life, a very good life.. more than I expected. Thank you Lord.

This is not the life I planned, this is not the life I desired, this is not the life I dreamt of.

But what I am given surpasses everything. I am struggling to be myself and expect to be appreciated, but it doesn't happen...and that kills me in and out like a two-edged sword.

But I am in the plan of God, I am better off that most people I know. I ALSO have reasons to be happy and I just want to concentrate on that.. JUST that.

Happiness is now my choice, and I got that!

Happiness can be your choice too! :)

The Love for My Man

It's changing.. for the good. 

I love him almost all the time. Most of the time it's alive and real, like the breezy wind on your face, some other times its like the presence of air in the atmosphere, which is simply present. I've discovered when you love someone with so much involvement, respect and desire, your mind would always find a way to fix issues within yourself and never to dissolve the relationship.

So here's this man in my life, He came from a direction I wasn't even looking and now all I am directed to is unto him. He is the man in my life and I love him like I've never loved another. He may never know and perhaps, I'll never show.

Household Chores

Try it, you'll feel good.

I am amazed at myself for becoming the person I have become. Household chores and me have been poles antonyms. I don't remember keeping the mug at the sink after sipping cold coffee which was by the way made by mom and brought to me by the maid. Yes, a lazy ass of the laziest order.

In the last couple of days things have started to change. I WANT to help out at home. I CHOOSE to do dusting, mobbing, cleaning and sweeping. I feel good doing it. I feel I am making sense being a part of my family. I know I'm taking responsibility and I feel good about it. It has helped me see myself in the way I haven't seen myself before. I feel like a person of substance. I love this contribution to my family. I love it all. Its made me realize a lot of things, to cut the long story short - Life is what you make out of it.

By the way, God is always there WHENEVER you want HIM, but you gotta do what you ought to do. He ain't doing that for you.

(I know the thoughts shared here and the writing are not in segue. I've just started, I know I'll get better. Thank you for understanding ;) )

It's a beautiful life, yes it is.

Ok , I don't know what I was thinking when I decided the title should be "It's a beautiful life".

As much as I'm sure the meaning of the title is true, I don't know what prompted me into finalizing on that. I've been wanting to blog for many years now. I have always loved the art of writing, to be honest I find words more attractive than boys ;) Talking about what I love to right about, well I would say anything that creates an impact in my life thereby causing awe, terror, disappointment or excitement.

Other things that make my life beautiful would be.. Jesus, Bible, talking to God, His presence, attending church gatherings on time, family, friends, books, movies, music, internet,  and the uncalled for experiences in life. Though I don't have a followable mantra to lead life, I have always practised outliving pain and never sinking into any sorrow. May be one of the reasons I find life beautiful is the inert combination in the mystery of life to enjoy life through it's pits and highs..

PS: This blog has been pending in my Drafts from Sept 2012, thank God it sees day light in April 2013.